Iris
by groovychic97
Summary: And I know you felt it. I could see it in your eyes. But now I am faced with a choice, and I don’t know what to do. One shot song fic DMHG


_**Disclaimer: anything you recognize I don't own. This story includes lyrics from the Goo Goo Doll's song Iris and the characters from JK Rowlings Harry Potter**_

_And I'd give up forever to touch you_

_Cause I know that you feel me somehow_

_You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be_

_And I don't want to go home right now_

Hermione,

I'm sorry

Words cannot express how I feel for you. It is something that only you can understand. And I know you felt it. I could see it in your eyes. But now I am faced with a choice, and I don't know what to do. I don't know where to turn, because everywhere I look I can only see you.

_And all I can taste is this moment_

_And all I can breathe is your life_

_Cause sooner or later it's over_

_I just don't want to miss you tonight_

I keep thinking back to that one night. The last night we were together. When I first entered that bar, I didn't know how you would respond. I just came up and sat next to you. You weren't scared that time, I could tell. It was the first time you didn't flinch or tremble at first. I had perfect timing didn't I? I had finally managed to encourage you to put your trust in me, and then I lost it.

I can remember everything from that night. Every detail, down to the way you sipped on your fire whisky waiting for me to make the first move. I didn't know how to react. You were so comfortable with me sitting next to you, so trusting. I had never been treated that way before. Not even by you, before that night. I was lost for words. But you finally faced me. That moment when you looked into my eyes, it was burnt into my memory. It will last forever.

_And I don't want the world to see me_

_Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's made to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am_

It was then we kissed. I know it wasn't our first one. We had kissed plenty of times before. But this kiss involved so much passion. I will never have another one like it again. It was almost as if you already knew what was going to happen. But how could you? Even I didn't know. Not then. Not when I kissed you.

It wasn't long before we went to my apartment that night was it? Usually there would have been more laughter, more smiles. But that night we were both desperate. Every time I looked in your eyes I saw that. And you must have seen it in mine.

You never told anyone about me. If you told someone, I would have been dead way before that night. Nobody would have been as trusting as you were. But trusting me could have been a mistake. A fatal one. I remember standing in that room together, with no lights on. But it wasn't dark. That night was a full moon. There must have been werewolves running around that night while we were kissing. Did you feel like time was standing still? I did.

_And you can't fight the tears that aren't coming_

_Or the moment of truth in your lies_

_When everything feels like the movies_

_Yeah, you'd bleed just to know you're alive_

I remember leaving you that morning. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I'm sorry for leaving without an explanation, but I didn't know what else I could do. I had made my choice and I knew I would never be able to see you again. Never be able to touch you, or kiss you, or do anything we did that night to you again.

That night. I dream about it every night. I'm always kissing you. I run my tongue over your bottom lip and you open your mouth for me. We fight for dominance. As the battle rages with our tongues, my hands are desperately trying to undo you shirt. I ripped the buttons off, thinking I would fix it later, only realizing later that you would never wear it again. It came with too many memories, of me and how I broke your heart, and your spirit. Yet I still hold it in my hand, even as I write this.

How can you still make me feel like this? I feel guilt and grief in my gut, I want to just release my emotions, but the only way to do it, I fear, is to cry. And I won't let myself do that. Because then it will prove that you meant something to me. And that was never meant to happen. I want to tear up your shirt, but something stops me every time. I have destroyed your hopes and dreams already; must I destroy the only remaining memory of us in my possession?

You then took my shirt off, moaning slightly as I started to move my mouth along your jaw and onto your neck. I knew you loved it when I left my mark. You would pretend to be annoyed when you had to cover them up, but secretly you loved the fact there was someone interested in you enough to do it. I know you had some bad relationships in the past. I'm sorry for screwing up ours too. I've realized that I shouldn't have done that. But it's too late now. Way too late.

_And I don't want the world to see me_

_Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's made to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am_

Soon you were undoing my belt, walking backwards towards the closest wall. You took me with you. I had successfully taken off your bra and started to move my mouth towards you breasts. I was fully aroused. I'm sure you would have felt that pressing into your stomach as we stood in the moonlight.

You had pulled my pants down and got down on your knees tracing your fingernails on the familiar path of my stomach, my legs, my thighs. I was so hard and it felt so good. That night was the first night I forgot everything except for you and me. I don't know what made it so different, but there is not one detail I can forget. They have all been etched into my brain. Maybe it's because it was our last night together. You took me into your mouth and I knew I was close. Moans escaped my throat and I had to stop you before it got too far.

I pulled you up to your feet and entered you for the last time, not that either of us knew it at the time. Well, at least I didn't. Isn't it funny that the first time we fucked was against the wall as well? They only other time we had done it there was that night. The last night.

It wasn't long before I had you moaning my name. Hell, screw that, you were screaming my name. It sounded good. Lots of people would of called what happened that night making love, but I know that it wasn't. It was purely fucking. But in all honesty, fucking doesn't involve feelings does it? Then why do I feel for you? I shouldn't be dreaming about you at night, thinking about you in the day. Every minute you are in my mind, and yet I know its wrong. It's worse than wrong. It's atrocious.

_And I don't want the world to see me_

_Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's made to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am_

Did you notice that when I came I whispered your name? That was the first and last time I ever did that. I hope you remember that, wherever you are. My life is so different now. Its empty, only filled with thoughts of you. I don't think I can live like this much longer; it will drive me crazy. I thought I saw you walking down the streets of Diagon Ally the other day. Same colour hair, same height, same build. I ran up to you, yelling your name, but you never looked at me. Just turned the corner and kept on walking. I would have given anything for that to be you. But deep down, I knew that it wasn't.

_And I don't want the world to see me_

_Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's made to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am_

I don't really know how I can justify what I did. In short, I can't. You trusted me. Something that no one else will ever do. And I screwed that up. I know I should never have left you alone and asleep in that bed. You were defenseless. But I grew scared. I can't deny it any longer. I was falling for you. Falling hard. And they call it falling for one reason and it's because it hurts to fall, and it hurts even more to fall hard.

I never should have told him you were there alone. I wish I could tell you I was under the imperious curse or tortured to tell him, but I wasn't. I never looked him in the eye. Not once, because I knew that if I did he would see that I cared for you. And then he would have tortured you, and I wouldn't let that happen. I just looked at the floor and told him straight out where you were, before I lost my nerve.

He went in person to do it. You must have been very special. I was invited to watch, but I couldn't. I hope you were still asleep, that it didn't cause too much pain, but I know that is stupid hoping that. Of course there would be pain. I saw your dead body. I saw the pain in your cold face. Your frozen, glazed eyes. I will never be able to get that out of my mind.

I never planned to do this when I first saw you. Hell, I didn't even plan to do this when I walked up to you in the bar that final time. But seeing you so peaceful and so trusting lying in my arms that morning made me feel something I had never felt before. Something I will never feel again.

I am now faced with a choice. Do I keep on living a cold and empty life, plagued by haunting dreams of you, or do I end it now and hope for a chance to see you again? It has been too long without you. 3 years too long. I am facing the only open window I have faced in months. It is so easy to just jump out. So easy just to forget everything. But will you ever want to see me again? Deep down I know what the answer it. And so do you.

But I can't do it. I don't have the courage to jump. I can't end these constant thoughts of you, and I can't end my life. I am stuck in limbo, until somebody else can do it for me. I hate myself for this. But I hate myself even more for putting you through what I did.

I really am sorry. But I don't want you to think that I am purely a murderer; I just want you to know that I'm a coward who fell in love. A coward that fell in love with you.

_I just want you to know who I am_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_**A/N: This is just a one shot that got stuck in my head. Reviews are appreciated. Hope it was ok.**_


End file.
